Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
