turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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