she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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