I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
