we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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