My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
