Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
