mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
