Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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