Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
