let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
