He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
