Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
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he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So. Much. Porn.
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