I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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