he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
