if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
