I accidentally had phone sex last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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