Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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