I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
