I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
