i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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