How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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