hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Randomize
