I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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