no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
