You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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