I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
