I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This baby is an asshole
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
