I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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