she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize