Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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