I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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