I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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