I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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