unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
