someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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