OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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