yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
