can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
