Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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