i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
