True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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