I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
