So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
