based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
