just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
