I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
