if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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