so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
