bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
