theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ugly people sure do ruin things
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
