I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
