no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
