I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
