I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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