SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Help. Why am I so naked?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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