FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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