A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
