I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
