I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
