hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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