I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
