I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
