I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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