She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
