This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
