shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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