Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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