And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
