I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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