When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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