Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
