The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
