Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
