Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
