at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
